


Examining One's Feelings

by Cait_Sidhe



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Game: Kingdom Hearts III, Gummiphones (Kingdom Hearts), M/M, POV Sora (Kingdom Hearts), POV Third Person Limited, Phone Calls & Telephones, Relationship Discussions, Riku Loves Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Self-Esteem Issues, Sora Loves Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Toy Box (Kingdom Hearts), Traverse Town (Kingdom Hearts)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:00:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26042323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cait_Sidhe/pseuds/Cait_Sidhe
Summary: Sora isn't feeling so well emotionally after visiting the world Toy Box, and he isn't quite sure why. Normally Sora would immediately suppress such feelings, but Riku wants him to start addressing them instead—however, Sora is a bit confused at how to do that. A GummiPhone call with Riku helps sort things out.
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 97





	Examining One's Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a couple months ago and completely forgot to post it, oops. But it worked out for the best because upon revisiting it I ended up redoing some parts and added another thousand or so words!

Sora sighed deeply. Despite his efforts to prevent such, his thoughts had begun to spiral, leading him down what he knew to be a dangerous road. What had initially been some more minor thoughts about still not being as strong as he should be despite his efforts had started to once again morph into feelings that he was just a hindrance to everyone, that he was significantly holding everyone back. After all, he couldn’t do anything without his friends, but they could easily do things without him (a small voice, remembering a discussion he had on that subject with Riku, told him that wasn’t true, that Sora was strong on his own, that people actually did need him; Sora tried to grasp at the thought, but it slipped away). 

Sora's mind then drifted to thoughts that maybe he should go away, for their sakes… Sora shook his head. "No, that isn't true," he said aloud, hoping that voicing such would stop the intrusive thoughts. "My friends need me." Except, that phrase didn't feel true. He still believed more that they didn't need him. Sora sighed again. 

Sora had been fine immediately after his visit to the world called Toy Box with Donald and Goofy, so he'd thought, but a few hours after leaving he'd become contemplative, his mind reflecting on things that had happened and been said. So when they stopped in Traverse Town to replenish items and get some rest, Sora decided to go for a walk to clear his head, eventually taking a seat on the edge of the humongous fountain in the fourth district. It was evening, and the entire district was lit up; not many people were around at this hour, most likely all having dinner, but there were a few wandering about. The feeling was different from the previous times he’d been here; the first few visits it had been overcrowded and had a tension in the air due to so many refugees from fallen worlds, and the most recent visit had been fairly creepy as it was a dream world with literally only four humans and an angel. Now it was populated mostly by people who were here by choice, and as a result felt much more like a normal town.

Sora held the phone to his chest, tears starting to fall as he let out a sob. Why was he thinking these things again? Riku would be so disappointed in him! He thought he’d been doing better. But now he was crying! Sora didn’t want to cry. If he cried, people would be worried about him. Sora didn’t want to inconvenience people. He was expected to be happy, to cheer people up. But it was so difficult now that he was avoiding suppressing everything! He’d promised Riku, though. Promised he’d stop shoving away all negative emotions. He hadn’t counted on there being so many though! He felt like a little kid again, crying at everything. He’d been able to hide it so far, with the exception of that initial discussion with Riku, but what if he started crying when others were there? He’d only bring them down, when he was supposed to be the one that brought happiness and optimism to them all.

Sora moved the phone away from his chest, planning to put it away; Riku had said to call him anytime he felt bad, but although Sora wanted to talk to Riku, he also didn’t want to burden Riku with his problems. Unfortunately, Sora fumbled the phone, and although he managed not to drop it, he accidentally pressed the green call button as he grabbed it.

“Hello?” Riku answered almost immediately, as though he'd anticipated the call. Maybe he had; Sora's feelings sometimes could be sensed by Riku due to their link. Sora wasn't sure of the extent of that; hopefully it was only occasionally. He didn't want to inconvenience Riku. 

Sora quickly wiped his eyes and plastered a smile on his face. “Hi, Riku!” Sora greeted him.

“Heya,” Mickey said, standing next to Riku; right, he and Riku were travelling together. “I’ll give you two a moment. Riku, I’ll go restock our items.”

“Gotcha,” Riku said, watching as Mickey left, then turned to Sora. “So, what’s wrong?”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Sora asked, trying for an innocent expression. “I just wanted to say hi! I miss you.”

“Sora, you were crying. Something must have triggered that.”

“It’s stupid,” Sora replied, waving a hand in dismissal. “I’m just being stupid again. Overreacting.”

“Okay, one, you are not stupid. Not even a little. Two, overreaction or not, that doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t real. Come on, talk to me. It’s better to let the feelings out than to lock them away.”

“I’m fine, really,” Sora stubbornly insisted, though the crack in his voice belied his words. “Just a bunch of little things. It's silly. I shouldn’t be so upset over them. I don’t know why I am. Besides, I’m sure you don’t want to hear my problems; you have more important things to do.”

“That’s not true,” Riku argued, then paused for a moment before he asked, “Where are you?”

“Traverse Town,” Sora supplied. “We stopped by to stock up on items and rest up. Why?”

“Are you alone?”

Sora nodded as he replied, “Yeah. Donald and Goofy are checking into an inn. I took a walk to try to clear my head…" Too bad the opposite had happened. “Why?” he wondered again.

Riku frowned. “You’re not thinking of doing anything drastic, like running away, are you?”

Sora shook his head. “Of course not.” Well, not seriously. Was Riku going to ask him that every time now? Sora had only mentioned wanting to once, and it wasn't like he was seriously entertaining the thought then either. 

“You sure? I know how tempting that can be.”

Sora rolled his eyes at the overprotectiveness. “Riku, I won’t run away, I promise.”

Riku nodded. “Alright, then,” he said; from the way the camera moved it looked like he had sat down somewhere. Based on the architecture in the background, he seemed to be in Radiant Garden. “So, why were you crying?”

Sora sighed. It was no use trying to get out of this. “Like I said before, it’s just a bunch of little things. I don’t know why it all seems like a big deal, to the point it led to me crying.”

“Well, if it’s a bunch of things, we can break it down, go over them one-by-one and see if we can resolve them. How’s that sound?”

Sora thought for a moment. One-by-one? Would that work? Maybe handling them each separately would be easier than thinking about them all at once. But it was so difficult to think of one without his thoughts jumping to another, and another, and another… but Riku could help with that. Sora nodded in agreement. “Okay. You don’t mind? I don’t want to waste your time…”

Riku shook his head. “You could never be a waste of time for me. So, let’s start at the beginning, after we left the Tower. What’s the first thing you remember feeling down about?”

“Yen Sid,” Sora answered automatically. “He said he was disappointed in me again. He always is.”

Riku grunted, a cross between a bitter laugh and a snort. “Okay, screw Yen Sid, he’s full of shit half the time. Pretty sure everything disappoints him, and he somehow has less emotional awareness than a Nobody.”

Sora laughed at that. “If this is what he’s like now, imagine him as a Nobody?”

Riku false-gagged. “Oh gods, he’d be worse than Xemnas… wait, we’re getting off subject. So, start from after the Tower. You were in Twilight Town, right?”

“What? How’d you know that?”

Riku looked at Sora deadpan. “You sent me more than a dozen photos and texts about it.”

Sora blushed. “Oh. Right.”

“Mhmm. But those were all happy; we’re talking about negative feelings now, remember.”

Sora nodded. “Okay. So, we went to Twilight Town because that’s where Roxas was most of the time and I want to figure out how to get him his own body, right? Things were going great at first, we ran into some old friends and stuff, but then Ansem and Xemnas appeared—”

_“What?”_

“Ah, yeah. But it’s okay!” Sora assured Riku. “They didn’t really do anything but say some stuff and then summoned some nobodies and heartless before leaving. Not a big deal!”

“Sora, it is a big deal,” Riku insisted. “They’re targeting you again! Don’t listen to anything they say; they’re just trying to get to you, make you feel down so you're more vulnerable to darkness.”

“I know that!”

“But?”

Sora sighed. Riku knew him too well. “But what if they’re right?” Sora said quietly. “They were saying that there isn’t any way to bring Roxas back other than… than how he was created in the first place… but I won’t do that again, promise!” Sora added quickly. He wouldn’t… there must be another way… but… what if there really wasn’t? Roxas deserved to live more than he did, so…

“Sora. You’ll find a way that doesn’t involve that, I know you will.” Riku’s voice was firm—determined. “And everyone else will help, too, be on the lookout for any information. We’ll get him back—without you getting hurt.”

Sora smiled at the sentiment, though his heart wasn’t fully in it. “Thanks…”

“Promise you won’t give credit to what they said.”

Sora sighed. “Yeah, I promise. Jeez, you’re so overprotective.”

Riku smiled slightly. “I know. Now, what’s next?”

Sora continued recounting events. “After Twilight Town, we went to this place called Toy Box, where toys are sentient. We were action figures. It was pretty cool, actually! But the heartless were there, so we fought them, then met some toys whose friends were missing, so decided to help them search. One of the toys didn’t like us because he’s very suspicious of everyone he doesn’t know, but the other toys were friendly. We decided to go to this humongous toy store to look for them. It was so cool, Riku! You should have been there! I wonder what you’d look like as a toy…”

Riku smiled. “Yeah, that definitely sounds fun. We’ll have to go there together someday.”

Sora beamed at that. “Really? You’d go with me?” He felt slightly better knowing that Riku wanted to travel with him as much as he wanted to spend time with Riku.

“Of course! We haven’t been to any world together yet. As soon as this is all over, we’re going to take a trip together and you can show me all the worlds you’ve been to, how’s that sound?”

“Yes! We definitely will do that!” The idea Sora had had about running seemed completely ridiculous now; he and Riku would go travelling together! It was something positive to look forward to; Sora suddenly realized that he hadn’t actually had something like that, his only goals being saving Roxas and then the whole war thing.

Riku seemed to realize that too. “Yup!” he then gave Sora a sly, slightly coy look. “Hey, maybe we can even sneak away for a bit to visit somewhere before then…”

Sora blushed. “M-maybe…” Was Riku suggesting…?

“Good. It’s a date,” Riku said, and Sora’s heart flipped. He was suggesting that! “Now, you were telling me about Toy Box?”

“Wait no, back up!” Sora said. “Just to clarify. When you say date, you mean an actual date, right? Like, the romantic kind?”

Riku looked confused. “Well, yeah, what else would I mean?” He then looked unsure about something. “You do want that, right?”

“Of course I do!” Sora said, mock-offended. “Don’t you?” he asked.

Riku rolled his eyes. “Sora, I suggested it. Why would I suggest it if I didn’t want it?”

“Good point,” Sora conceded. “Just making sure.”

Riku nodded. “Right. So, back to your story—”

“Wait!” Sora interrupted, realizing something else. “Does this mean we’re boyfriends now?”

Riku looked surprised. “Uh. We weren’t already?”

Sora blushed. “We never actually discussed it, so…”

“Well, what else would we be?” Riku asked, amused. “We sleep together and make out whenever we can.”

“W-well, yeah, but we never went on any actual dates or anything, so I wasn’t sure!” Sora defended. “It could have been best-friends-with-benefits or something, I dunno.”

Riku chuckled. “Well, I’d prefer boyfriends, but if you’d—”

“No! I prefer boyfriends too!” Sora said quickly.

“Good. Now, stop stalling.”

“Oh, right.” Sora grew quiet, biting his lip, remembering what had happened next in the toy world, enthusiasm instantly dropping and any butterflies flying away.

“Sora?”

Sora shifted uncomfortably. “Um. Xehanort appeared again. This time it was his teenage version, the one that was in the dream world…”

Riku raised his eyebrows. “Xehanort found you again?”

“Well, more like we found him. Apparently he was in the world to test something with the toys’ hearts, something about how they react when separated from friends or something.”

“You sure it was a coincidence? Because if he’s stalking you…”

Sora waved a hand. “Nah, pretty sure he’s done with targeting me after the dream thing.”

“I dunno…”

“Riku, it’ll be fine.”

“Well, if you say so.” It sounded like Riku didn’t fully believe Sora. “Alright, what happened after that? Anyone say or do anything that hurt?” he asked, subtly reminding Sora they were talking about feelings, not just sharing stories.

Sora shrugged. “Not really. Goofy called me ‘reckless’ again—before you ask, no, I didn’t actually do anything, he was just warning the toys I can be or something, I don’t exactly remember—but anyway, people call me that all the time, and it’s true anyway so it shouldn’t hurt or anything. I’ve been trying hard not to be reckless, I really have. But I guess I still am anyway? I shouldn’t be letting someone pointing that out bother me so much though! Ugh!” He was rambling now; why couldn’t he just talk like a normal person?

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay, Sora,” Riku said, aiming for a soothing voice. “Look, maybe in the past you’ve been reckless sometimes. But no more than anyone else is. We all do reckless things on occasion. It’s not a trait of yours, not at all.”

Sora sighed. “Then why do people keep saying it is?”

Riku shrugged. “Because they’re stupid.”

Sora laughed a little. “Riku!”

Riku smiled. “Hey, I just say it how it is. So, back to the subject. Did they say anything else that upset you? Even if it seems small,” he reminded Sora. “Remember, we’re trying to dissect where these negative thoughts are coming from.”

Sora nodded. “Right. Well, we went looking, and I forget exactly what I said, but Donald replied with ‘that’s good thinking for you.’ Like I know it was supposed to be a compliment, and the ‘for you’ was just a joke, so I joked about it too, but it still hurt. Like he was saying I don’t usually think well so it’s surprising that I did. Which I guess is true too—”

“No, Sora, that isn’t true,” Riku interjected. “Everyone has bad ideas as well as good ideas. I’ve known you since a kid; trust me, you’re a lot smarter than you think. Does Donald often give backhanded compliments like that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, say things that seem nice but have that extra layer tacked on that negates it.”

“Well, I guess, but he’s just joking. Goofy does it too. They don’t really mean it that way…” Sora said that, but a voice in the back of his mind insisted they did mean it that way.

“Whether they meant it that way or not, it still hurts, right?”

“Well, yeah…”

“Tell them that next time. If you keep laughing along, they’ll think it’s okay when it’s actually not,” Riku reasoned. “I can talk to them if you want.”

Sora blushed. “Ah, you don’t need to do that.” Riku always did so much for him. “I’ll say something.” Sora probably wasn’t going to outright say something though; he didn’t want a conflict. But maybe if he didn’t react with a smile, they’d figure it out? He could try that.

“Good,” Riku said. “So, what happened next?”

“Next? Uh… let’s see, we searched more, and then… oh! Teen-Xehanort appeared again. He used a heartless to possess Buzz—he’s the astronaut toy that was really wary about us. Xehanort said it was my fault that was possible, that I drove a wedge between them, filling him with distrust and doubt that caused him to be mad at his friends who accepted us so easily, which invited darkness in. So if I hadn’t been there that wouldn’t have happened…”

“Hmmm.” Riku thought for a moment. “But, if you hadn’t been there, wouldn’t something worse have happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Xehanort supposedly was doing some sort of experiment. Which I assume you managed to stop, even after Buzz was taken over, right?” Sora nodded in confirmation, and Riku continued, “If you hadn’t been there, the experiment wouldn’t have been stopped, and Xehanort would have gotten his way. So maybe Xehanort took advantage of you being there; he does that to everyone. But that was just a little stumble overall, and got fixed in the end, right? So, which is better—tripping slightly while ultimately saving the day, or not bothering to save the day at all, dooming it to an evil plot?”

It was a good point, Sora had to admit. "Tripping slightly," he easily answered. It did make him feel better, realizing this.

“Exactly!” Riku smiled. “So, what happened next?”

“Oh! Well, Xehanort took Buzz, but then we found him again. Xehanort was trying to tell the toys they’d end up like Buzz because they still didn’t have their other friends. But then I told them that being apart from them didn’t matter, that as long as you keep your friends in your heart it’ll be fine. But then Xehanort used that to go on a slight, what’s the word, tanger? Tongen?”

“You mean ‘tangent’?”

“Yeah, that. He taunted me again about how I always say my friends are my power.”

Riku frowned. “Why would he taunt you about that? People are stronger together, that’s a fact.”

Sora scrunched his brow in confusion. “Well, yeah. Which is why I need my friends.”

Riku seemed briefly confused, then his eyes widened slightly as he came to some sort of realization. “Hold on. When you say that, do you mean it literally?”

Sora scrunched his brow in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Like, are you saying that you only have power because of us?”

Sora looked away slightly. “Well, yeah… I mean, without you guys, I’m—”

“If you say 'nothing' or something else along those lines, I’m going to punch you right through the phone,” Riku said as though it were possible. “You’re not nothing. You’re our power as much as we’re yours; it goes both ways. We’re your power—and you’re ours. We’re all a team, you included. We need you as much as you need us.”

“But—”

“There’s no argument! You are just as strong as everyone else; we’re strongest when we all band together, you included. It’s a fact.”

“If you say so.”

“I know so.”

Sora sighed. “Okay, okay. Anyway,” he said in a rush, continuing the story before Riku could argue more, “Then the toys interrupted and said they didn’t care about whatever was being said and that he needed to give Buzz back, so I encouraged them by saying stuff like if their connection is strong he’ll hear them through the darkness.”

Riku nodded. It appeared he thankfully wasn’t going to press things. “And that worked?” he surmised.

“Yup!” Sora declared. “Eventually they were able to use their love to get Buzz back! Then Xehanort left after summoning a weird giant heartless that we fought, and we beat it, and then Buzz decided we were his friends after all.” Sora decided not to mention Teen-Xehanort whispering something to him.

Riku smiled warmly. “Sounds like it all worked out perfectly, then. Great job!”

Sora blushed. “Aww, you don’t mean that.”

“I really do,” Riku said. “Overall the mission was a success, and it sounds like you’re the one that made it so.”

“Huh? I didn’t do that much.”

Riku raised an eyebrow. “You’re the one that convinced them to use their hearts to save Buzz, right? Your determination and strength of heart turned the tides. Power doesn’t always mean physical strength, you know.”

“It doesn’t?”

“Of course not. Power comes in many different forms; you have one of the strongest hearts of anyone, and that power is just as important as every other type, possibly more so. You’re one of the most powerful people I know, Sora.”

Sora blushed. “That’s not—”

“It is true,” Riku interrupted, predicting Sora’s train of thought. 

Sora sighed. “I’m not winning this argument, am I?”

Riku chucked. “Nope.”

A bell chimed in the distance, and Sora jumped slightly before realizing it was just the town bell indicating the hour. Sora counted the chimes. “It’s getting pretty late now,” Sora commented. “Donald and Goofy probably will start looking for me soon.”

Riku smiled. “Yeah, Mickey’s probably wondering where I am. Did talking about all this help?”

Sora looked into the distance, thinking for a moment. “...Yeah, actually, it did,” Sora concluded, turning back to Riku with a genuine smile. The thoughts hadn’t been fully assaged, but they were muted for now. Whether Riku’s words had reached him or if it was just Riku’s presence helping was debatable, but yeah, Sora did feel better.

“Good. Remember, whenever you feel down, give me a call; I’ll always be here to listen.”

“You sure? I don’t want to be a bother to you,” Sora said.

Riku shook his head. “You could never be a bother to me. Seriously, call me anytime.”

Sora smiled. “Okay, I will,” he said honestly. “Thanks, Riku.” Sora stood up. “That goes for you too, though!” he added.

Riku nodded. “Got it.”

“But not just that!” Sora added. “You need to call more in general! We never talk!”

Riku furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “We text all the time though.”

“Yeah but I like seeing your face and hearing your voice, too.”

Riku smiled. “Okay. I’ll call more often, then.”

“Every night before bed?” Sora asked hopefully.

“That won’t work. The worlds all work on different timelines; before bed for you could be early morning for me, or vice-versa,” Riku pointed out.

Sora sighed. “I hate when you’re right.”

“I’ll call more though, I promise,” Riku told Sora.

“Okay! I’m going to hold you to that!”

“SORA!” sounded a loud warble from the distance.

Sora cringed. “Ah, crap, they really did come looking for me. Well, see you soon!”

Riku smiled fondly at Sora. “Goodnight. Love you.”

Sora beamed. “Love you too!”

“SORA!” Donald yelled again.

“Bye!” Sora said again to Riku, then hung up and ran in the direction of the duck’s voice, feeling better than he had all day. 

Maybe expressing one's feelings wasn’t so terrible after all.


End file.
